My mom had become more incontinent at home, but I took her to the restroom every 1 1/2 hours and we rarely had any accidents. I thought I needed to give the place a chance so I went along with their decisions. An aide could have easily helped her adjust by sitting by her and assuring her, but instead they all stood around the room with sullen looks on their faces. They argued that she couldn't focus and she was wanting to get up. I told the staff that she had always sat at the dinner table with us and with a little assistance I think she could handle the other dining room. They had put her in a back room where they were feeding all of the people that could not feed themselves. The next day I came in and she was no where to be found. I thought maybe they were waiting to see how she did, so I said nothing. She had been a lady with impeccable manners. Up until this point my mom had eaten every meal at the dinner table with my family and I. She had lost most of her sight and was recovering from a hand surgery. Finally, another woman joined us at our small table. They did not interact with any of the residents at all. One of the kitchen staff was very friendly, but the rest of the aides stood around the room and never even smiled. I choked back my tears and sat with her while she ate. Everywhere around her were groups of residents eating together. The next day I came in to find my mom all alone and looking scared at a small table in the dining room. We moved her in and I prayed I had made the right decision. When we first got there, some of the people were friendly. With not much to choose from in the area, I was just looking for a caring place to place my mom in close proximity to where we lived as I wanted to be able to visit whenever possible. The environment and atmosphere were not impressive by any means, but my mom's disease had progressed to the point where she wouldn't notice the quality of her surroundings. She assured me they would love to have her, and they dealt with Alzheimer's patients all the time. I went to visit this home and poured my heart out to the social worker there, giving details of my mom's condition. I was exhausted and had only left my home twice in 6 weeks. As many of you well know, you devote every bit of your time and energy, neglecting all other relationships and yourself. I never wanted to put her in a home, but finally it became too much for me to handle on my own. I cared for my 90 year old mom with Alzheimer's for 3 years in my home.
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